"A un alma se le mide por la amplitud de sus deseos, del mismo modo que se juzga de antemano una catedral por la altura de sus torres."
Can You Be Friends With Your Ex?
Whether or not two people can remain friends after a breakup depends on the two people and their feelings about the end of the relationship.
"If someone is very much in love -- and [then] broken up with-- and forever trying to get back with that person, then having a platonic relationship does not work," Lieberman says. "If you are still in love with the person and want them back, the best thing to do is go cold turkey."
While many a jilted lover claims to seek closure by going back just one more time after a breakup, such closure is a "fantasy or a hope," Lieberman says.
"If in your heart of hearts you really want to get back together, the best thing to do if the other person is not into it is to get out of it," she says.
Arnold agrees. "Do take at least eight weeks with no contact. No phone. No 'let's get together for coffee.' No nothing," she says. "You need time to detox and get in touch with yourself again."
Talking every day as "friends" is also a no-no. "That just keeps the wounds and hope open and working," Arnold says. "Don't keep calling to 'check in,' hear how his or her day was, or if the dog ate his dinner. Cut the cord in all ways."
Another no-no? Breakup sex, she says.
Whether or not two people can remain friends after a breakup depends on the two people and their feelings about the end of the relationship.
"If someone is very much in love -- and [then] broken up with-- and forever trying to get back with that person, then having a platonic relationship does not work," Lieberman says. "If you are still in love with the person and want them back, the best thing to do is go cold turkey."
While many a jilted lover claims to seek closure by going back just one more time after a breakup, such closure is a "fantasy or a hope," Lieberman says.
"If in your heart of hearts you really want to get back together, the best thing to do if the other person is not into it is to get out of it," she says.
Arnold agrees. "Do take at least eight weeks with no contact. No phone. No 'let's get together for coffee.' No nothing," she says. "You need time to detox and get in touch with yourself again."
Talking every day as "friends" is also a no-no. "That just keeps the wounds and hope open and working," Arnold says. "Don't keep calling to 'check in,' hear how his or her day was, or if the dog ate his dinner. Cut the cord in all ways."
Another no-no? Breakup sex, she says.
Prescription for Healing After the Relationship Ends
"Do learn from each relationship," Arnold says. "Write down five things you appreciated about this relationship that you would like to have in the next one, and five things you would not like to create next time."
Instead of stalking your ex or making up excuses to call or see him or her, "keep yourself busy with new activities, old friends, and healthy distractions," Arnold says.
"Don't get right into a new relationship, she advises. "Don't medicate your sadness with a new person. It isn't fair to either of you."
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